Remember yourself in all seasons of life

Boy, life is busy! My kids have activities, my clinic waiting room is filled with patients, my siblings and friends want to get together. It's hard to fit everything in, especially for myself. Recently, I’ve noticed a theme from my friends, colleagues, and patients saying something like "I don't have time for working out/my hobby/joining the book club/insert self-care activity here. Between the kids' activities, work, and everything else, I have no time or energy left. Once the kids graduate, things will change."

In my practice, I hear yearly updates from patients in their 60s, 70s, and 80s. You might expect retirement brings them freedom to finally build those healthy habits, pick up those long-deferred passions. Sometimes it does. But just as often, something else fills that space: more doctor's appointments, grandchildren, a spouse's new diagnosis, the ongoing needs of aging parents.

There's a juxtaposition in that. You love the season you're in — watching your kids grow, showing up for the people who need you.  And, part of you is always waiting, quietly anticipating the day when it's finally your turn.

Here's what I've learned, both as a physician and as someone who has lived this: the day your calendar is emptied of tasks and things to do isn’t coming.

The waiting room never empties. 

Your obligations won't fade. There will always be someone or something asking for your time. Of course there will — you are a responsible, resourceful, high-functioning person. Consider using some of those resources for yourself. Find time to invest in your own passions or self growth, whatever that looks like.

A life of service to others doesn't mean you've abandoned yourself. Many people find joy in caring for the people they love. Yet, if you're not also taking care of yourself along the way, you may notice exhaustion, resentment, a shorter fuse, and less compassion.

When you take care of yourself, the people around you benefit, too. Your relationships are better, your communication clearer, your presence more whole.

If this sounds impossible to you, here’s how to start!

Step 1 Reflect

Ask yourself: what are my passions right now? What do I want to learn? What does physical health look like for me right now? Is there something I used to love I'd like to restart? Don't wait for a quieter chapter; start asking these questions today.

Step 2 Take small actions

James 2:26 says faith without works is dead. The same is true as you implement these changes in your life. Don't just wish for change — choose one small action you can take each day that moves you toward your best self. James Clear in Atomic Habits notes that a 1% improvement each day compounds to more than 30% growth over a year. Small, consistent steps build remarkable things.

In 2020, when the world shut down, I found myself at home with nowhere to be. The job, the kids’ activities, the constant motion all paused. And in that stillness, I realized I had quietly lost myself somewhere along the way.

So I started showing up for myself. I went for walks. I worked out. I picked up books outside of ophthalmology just for the pleasure of learning something new. I tried things purely for fun. Sometimes the laundry piled up. That was okay.

Life has gotten full again; busier than ever, honestly. The kids are back in their activities and Doug and I are back to chasing them around. But I still show up for myself. I found carpool partners. I fit in my photography hobby. I block time on my days off to do things I want to just for me. I'm not perfect..some weeks we eat McDonald's and I skip the gym for two weeks straight. But I keep coming back.

You don't have to live your whole life in service to others. I see you. You are working hard and it's time to extend some of that time to yourself. You are allowed to take up space in your own schedule. Start small. Start now. Your future self will thank you.

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IF THIS RESONATED WITH YOU..

Ready to start showing up for yourself?

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Every month I share practical tools and perspective to help you reclaim your time, your health, and yourself — without abandoning the people you love. You can sign up for it below.

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